I Do

By Resna Marie Brunson, MSC

Spring is in the air! Billboards are advertising flower shows and vacation hot spots. Home improvement stores are displaying patio furniture and grills. Winter clothes have been replaced with swim suits, sandals, and shorts and young ladies are shopping for prom dresses. This is also the season to plan spring and summer weddings. Brides, grooms, and wedding planners are putting on the finishing touches for the perfect spring or summer wedding. Weddings are exciting events but after the ceremony and honeymoon are over, the reality of life together sinks in and the real work begins. We may look at our spouse and wonder where is the person to whom I said I Do? What is the reason he/she is different now? What is the reason we no longer think and behave the same? When did he/she change? How can we “get back” to where we were? Here is a secret… The same person you vowed to be with until death do you part is the same person standing before you today. Like you, they are changing, evolving, and adjusting to life after “I Do.” Couples sometimes find themselves moving through life individually. I would like to suggest ways to be sure our marriage grows with us and is not left behind.

Remember, there are NO perfect unions. We all agree no one is perfect. Therefore marriage involves two imperfect people who then form an imperfect union. Therefore it is safe to say we should expect our spouse to make mistakes. We should look forward to hurt feelings and disappointments. This seems like a hard pill to swallow. Why would I get married to only be discouraged? If we expect imperfection we can begin to look past what is visible and see the intent of the heart.,

Reminisce on the “good times.” Each time I attend a wedding I reflect on my wedding. I can remember the events of the entire day. During times of frustration early in my marriage, my husband would say to me “remember the wedding.” Reflecting on the years of plenty in your marriage will help to ease the feelings of emptiness during the times of famine.

Refrain from comparing your marriage to others. It is easy to fall into a covetous attitude when peeping in the window of someone else’s marriage. Here’s the thing…When looking through a window we have no peripheral vision and our view is obstructed. We can only see what is right in front of us. No two people/marriages are the same. Establishing and maintaining our own marriage “mission” statement helps us to resist the temptation of longing for what we think other marriages have.

Disney fairytales begin with ”once upon a time” and end with “happily ever after.” Although we know life is not a fairytale, we desire to have a “happy” marriage. Maybe the realities of your marriage are far from “happy.” The good memories are fading and there seems to be only disappointments and little to no hope. Seeking support through couple’s counseling to help you process through the difficult times in marriage can be helpful.
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